You may have already seen across my social media channels that Mr Mack and I are expecting a new addition to Team Mack in November. Mini is very excited about becoming a big Sister and promises to be very helpful when the new bundle arrives, let’s see if she sticks to that. I wanted to use my blog to capture my pregnancy journey to act as a memento for us to look back on in the future, I hope that you enjoy reading it too.
Pregnancy Diary Week 4
On 6th March I woke up early, excited and nervous in equal doses as today we were going to Birmingham Women’s Hospital to collect our drugs to commence IVF treatment. Our journey to becoming a family hasn’t been a smooth one. Being diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome at the age of 18, I’ve always known that getting pregnant may be a challenge. We were fortunate that we conceived Mini naturally within 8 months. Unfortunately we faced a more difficult time with number two and our journey has been a 20 month rollercoaster of tests, poking and prodding. We were given support in the form of fertility medication which helped us to fall pregnant but unfortunately ended in early miscarriage. We then made the decision to start the process to move forward with IVF, not an easy choice to make but one we felt was right for us as a family.
On that morning something just told me that before we left for the appointment I should take a test just to make sure before we start taking the drugs. I took the test, jumped back into bed and snoozed for a few moments. When I turned the light back on, not expecting to see a positive result, I couldn’t believe that there it was in black and white confirming that I was pregnant.
In total shock we still attended our appointment at the hospital, where they did another test to confirm that it was positive and advised us to go home and contact our GP to register as a pregnancy for ongoing care. For the rest of the week we didn’t talk about the pregnancy and skirted around it, scared that it may go wrong like before and not wanting to get too excited. It took me a while to get my head around it, I was all psyched up for the invasion and intensity of commencing IVF and then in a moment everything had changed.
Exactly a week later from the first test, I did another one. We had used the tests that had the week indicators, the first one displayed 1-2 weeks and I wanted the visual confirmation and comfort that seeing the next test with 2-3 weeks brought me. I was still very anxious and found myself scared to go to the toilet as I dreaded seeing blood there. I’d developed a habit of poking my boobs a million times a day to get physical feedback from feeling they were still painful, I’m sure I must have looked very strange to anyone that noticed me doing it. I also visited my GP this week who arranged to book me in with the midwife. Mr Mack and I were celebrating our wedding anniversary and went away to Devon for the weekend which was good for us to spend time quality time together to talk and help the news sink in.
I started to develop a pattern of tiredness from around 3-8pm, I’d struggle to concentrate in the afternoon at work but then later on in the evening I’d become very alert again. So far I’d not had any sickness, I was lucky in my previous pregnancy that I wasn’t sick at all and hoping that may continue this time around too. I became hungrier and started to want to eat lots of carbs, pasta in particular. I became worried as I felt that some of my symptoms were lessening, however had some comfort in doing another test and seeing that the indicator had progressed to 3+ weeks.
Still feeling well and no sickness, but the occasional episode of nausea. I was still feeling tired around the afternoon time and became very hungry from around 4pm onwards. I had my booking appointment with my midwife this week, we discussed hospital options. We had decided that we didn’t want to go to the same hospital where I’d had Mini as I didn’t feel that I had the best care and didn’t feel comfortable about going there. Luckily as we live in between two hospitals we were able to be referred to the other one this time.
Due to the previous miscarriage we wanted to have an early scan to hopefully get some reassurance that things were looking ok at this stage. We booked an early reassurance scan at Peek a Baby. I can honestly say I was terrified to climb onto the bed but we were both so relieved to see the flutter of a tiny heartbeat. There was an initial panic that there were twins as there was a second blob, but the sonographer assured us it was the sac. I know it was still early on and we weren’t out of the danger zone yet but it certainly helped us to feel a little reassured.
We went away on holiday to Cheddar Woods for Easter, something we were all looking forward to as a chance to unwind and some quality family time together. We started to feel more comfortable talking about the pregnancy between ourselves but had decided not to tell anyone else at this stage. The pregnancy still felt quite surreal to me as I didn’t have many symptoms and felt generally very well in myself. Not that I wanted to be throwing up every 5 minutes, but to me that would have been a sure sign I was pregnant. The holiday was fantastic, our lodge was really lovely and we went on some great family days out in the local area including The Wild Place Project, We The Curious Museum and Wookey Hole Caves.
I felt like I was starting to feel a few tiny flutters, not sure if it was baby or just muscles stretching and things moving around inside. Our hospital scan date came through, unfortunately Mr Mack was to be away in Majorca on a cycling trip with my Brother for the date given. I explained this to the hospital who sadly refused to move the date and insisted that as I was able to attend then they wouldn’t offer an alternative date. We decided to book another private scan so that he could see baby before he went away on his travels.
I started to develop a tiny bump and went to Mothercare to get fitted for maternity bras as I was outgrowing my normal ones.
This week was really difficult for me, I felt that all of my symptoms had disappeared and I’d convinced myself that I’d lost the baby. I had no bleeding or pain but just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong, I was down and nothing seemed to take my mind off worrying. We therefore decided to bring forward the private scan to this week as Mr Mack knew it was the only thing that would give me reassurance that all was well.
The tears fell as the monitor showed the tiny shape moving around on the screen, it was such a huge relief and was so pleased that we went ahead with the scan. The staff at the clinic were fantastic, they took their time and allowed us to ask plenty of questions. That scan was a turning point for me that maybe just maybe everything was going to turn out ok in the end and I allowed myself to start getting excited.
I started to consider my outfits for work, that felt comfortable but also didn’t give the news away as I wasn’t ready quite yet to tell my team. I went away for the weekend to Minehead for a blogging retreat. It was a great opportunity for some me time, and time for thinking and reflection. I particularly enjoyed the yoga sessions and decided this was something I was going to continue with throughout the pregnancy.
When I arrived home on the Sunday evening we decided that we were going to tell Mini that she was going to be a Big Sister. I’d ordered her a special T-Shirt from Rocket and Rose to break the news. I gave it her, she initially was excited as it was pink and glittery. She read it out aloud but it didn’t click at first what the words meant. When the penny dropped she was so excited and gave us both a big hug. She promised to be the best Big Sister ever and I know with all my heart that she will do an amazing job and I can’t wait to see her meet her new sibling.